I found a blog post I made on myspace a while back. Like, almost a year ago. It’s one of those that you can read over again and pull something out of it. Because of how my overall mood has been lately, it doesn’t help as much as it used to. But I figured I’d post it on here in case it has a chance of helping anyone else. Not that anything I’d write would be worth an impact, but I guess it’s my way of trying to help those that I don’t know if even I can help. It’s worth a shot.
Here it is:
2/26/09 - I suppose you could call it an epiphany…
Lately has gotten me thinking.
This may seem silly to some, but I hope you realize that everything that I’m writing, it’s coming from my heart. Not some random pretty words to make myself seem like a better person. Because, I’m not perfect. Although I have some strengths, I also have my weaknesses and shortcomings. There are many things about myself I wish I could change, but are so engrained into me that it’ll be difficult. But what I believe is important, is the ability to admit your weaknesses. To admit your shortcomings. It’s when you can admit these things, when you can truly accept yourself as who you are, and grow as a person. When a wall appears in your path, you have two choices. You can either sit there and whine about how tall it is, or find a way to climb over it.
Life is short. I’ve known this from an early age. What matters is what you choose to do with that life. Sometimes, life’s darkness engulfs you to a point where you see no clarity, no escape. At that point, people will do anything to try to escape. If they can’t… they take their own life, thinking it’s their only way out. Each person is alive for a reason, a purpose. Those who are in that darkness, couldn’t see their own purpose. What you have to remember, is that beyond those darkened clouds, is a sunrise ready to spread its light. You may not be able to see it, but it’s there.
I’ve made mistakes. Most of which, I regret deeply. I’ve done things in my life I’m not proud of. Since I feel it’s important to accept who you are, I’ll admit there were honestly times where I wanted to give up. On everything. Life.. myself.. In those times, neither of those things mattered. To this day, I’m still not sure what got me out of it. I suppose, somewhere deep down… there was a shred of hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, it’ll get better. There are times in life when you have no choice but to be optimistic. Hope is real, and rescue is possible. Whenever you feel the desire to give up on everything.. don’t keep it to yourself. Talk to someone, anyone. A friend, parent, anyone who will listen.
That brings me to my next idea. Ever since I was little, I had a philosophy for life. It may seem cheesy, but it’s something I try to remember. Each of our lives are like a book. Everything we do, say, everything we go through gets written down. Happy times… sad times.. everything. Even if it seems like we’re stuck in a rut, we have the ability to alter it, even if just a little. Why? Because each fresh page is a new chance. A chance to alter that story. Whether or not it’s a good alteration is up to you, the author. Everyone has a story to tell. When you connect with people, you learn each others stories, hopes, and dreams. It’s when you find common ground when you finally realize that you’re not alone in this world.
Each story, each life, is equally important. You can only learn to love others if you can first learn to love yourself. If someone looks like they’re about to give up on themselves, spread love. Let them know that they’re not alone, that they’re important and loved. Most of all, lend an ear. Hear their story. Even when broken, a person can be healed.
And that’s what I want to do with my life, what I feel is my purpose. I want to have the ability to spread that love, to heal others. Even if something happens that cripples me, if I can positively impact a life in any way, I’ll be able to feel that I’m a person worth being. I’ll slip up. I’ll make mistakes. These things are only human, and bound to happen. In the end, all that matters is that you can learn from those mistakes, and try to make yourself a better person.
I want to study Psychology and music for this purpose. I want to see smiles on people’s faces, and know that I myself put them there. I’m very interested in music therapy. Using my flute and music to heal people. Not only does it blend my two favourite things (psychology and flute), but it’ll give me a feeling of self worth.
I never once thought that a simple quote from an anime would impact me so much.
“We’re born for the sake of happiness, but we keep living for the happiness of others.”
Spread love. Rescue is possible. Love others. Love yourself. Accept who you are, despite your weaknesses and shortcomings.
Write your own life’s story, one you can truly be proud of.
- Emily -
I still want to go into psychology. I just really hope it helped at least one person. I feel helpless. Watching my friends be miserable isn’t my favourite thing in the world. I love you all. I really do. You know I’m here for any of you if you need it. <3
I may not always be able to help myself, but the least I can do is try to keep myself together enough to help someone else.
- Pikachu.